Intuition

I'm at a standstill. Things feel stagnant. I'm expectant but not sure what for. I feel anxious and uncertain. Doubtful. There is this lingering feeling that I've missed something and that it's going to hit me any day now. Intuition is a powerful thing. It could be something. It could be nothing. It may sound silly, it may sound crazy, it may even sound like paranoia. Either way, however it may sound, it feels real to you. 

Intuition. Its hard to explain or even share. Its just a feeling, a sense, a hunch. Its funny how easily you can convince yourself of something. We're so fragile. So easily swayed. We can be molded into whatever we create. We follow the contours of our creation and let everything inside sink in until we are so blinded we cannot even see past the lines we've drawn. For something so intangible, its surprising how much value we put on just a feeling.

I have an intuition. A feeling. Its constant and its endless. It doesn't go away. Its become a burden and I carry it around daily. The longer I feel it, the heavier it gets. The clouds are getting fuller. The sky a little darker. Come the first rain drop, I'm ready for whats about to pour

I miss...

I miss nature. I miss grass, trees and sunshine. I miss the mountains. I miss Murree. I miss the smell of kerosine and running away from monkeys. I miss drinking mountain dew like water and sitting on the swing for hours. I miss huddling around the old school heaters in the winter and lying in the sun picking daisies in spring. I miss playing football on the field and blasting music in the lounge. I miss the art room and sitting on the stage in the gym just watching people. I miss the talks over coffee, the green benches, the E-lab, the Murree chill. I miss having roommates and the court at night. I miss the guys and I miss the girls.

I miss having nothing to do but talk to people. Our relationships were so deep, so intimate. We didn't have anything but each other. We didn't need to be intoxicated to have fun.We didn't need to go anywhere or do anything. I miss that simplicity and purity. Mostly, I just miss my friends. 

We'll always have Murree

Love em and leave em

Trust is a complicated thing. It's so fragile. So many holes and glitches. It's crazy that something so fundamental to a relationship is so unstable. Maybe thats just in my experience. It's a risk. A leap of faith. You always want to believe the best in people. But no matter how close you are to someone, no matter how much they love you or how much they care theres always that chance that they'll slip up.We all do. People lie to the ones they love all the time. We might not like to admit that but we all do it at some point. Doesn't seem right. When love is real, trust should be unbreakable. It should be transparent. I just wish there was some way of knowing. All we have is their word.

Happy Holidays?

I love this time of the year. There's a sense of warmth and purity. There's a safety and goodness. It's a beautiful thing. Although I can't help but think it's a time of naivity. It's an escape. We're surrounded by lights, festive music and extragavent decor. We shower each other with gifts and remember whats important. We reflect and reminisce. We celebrate.

I love this time of the year. I like the escape. I like the naivity. But I find that it's bitter sweet. We get ready for the new year and hope for the best. It's exciting, but expectations are high and change inevitable. Amongst all the beauty and holiday spirit, I'm left with an unsettling feeling deep inside. I feel a weight of sadness on my heart. I'm constantly reminded by the disappointment people may face and the lonliness they may find themselves in.

I'm not a cynic nor am I pessimistic. I just genuinely hope everyone can say that they love this time of the year

And it starts...

I never really understood blogs. Correction. I never understood why such a large number of people kept blogs. Who are they writing for? What are they writing for? I guess we all have our thoughts. We all want to be heard. I can understand that. Funny. Here I am starting a blog. How very modern of me :) I don't have any real purpose or point for starting one. Just an outlet I suppose. Some thoughts, feelings, experiences. Some life, some art.