College

Everything was so new, so intangible. I felt safe in my room. My haven, my space. Every time I found myself feeling uncomfortable, I’d think about my bed. Every time I found myself unsure of how to act or what to say, I’d think about the liberty I had to be free in the privacy of my own room. I never had a place to call my own before. It felt mysterious. I felt like I had the key to a hidden world that I possessed. Everything that happened behind my door was my memory, my experience. It was my environment.

Everyone I invited inside my world had become a part of my story. It was nice to have a place to locate my thoughts. A place to fall back on. Security. That’s all you ever want to feel in your home. Safe.

I have felt it all. Or so I like to think. Or maybe so I’d like to hope? Sometimes I get triggers or reminders that lead me to look back on my life and I just think to myself; I have such a strange life. But then again, isn't everyone’s life just a different version of a string of strange, warped, random, unexplainable events? We never really know why, we just know what is.

I have tossed and turned. I have wrestled. Blood, sweat and tears. But I have felt pure joy. I have felt a love so strong it could carry me. I have laughed and I have felt complete. I've ordered enough pizza to feed an army. How fun that was, having someone to eat with. Having someone to  enjoy with. It’s funny, the only times I miss are the times we were doing nothing. There’s beauty in feeling happy in stillness.

So often, we’re chasing the rush. We’re chasing that feeling you get when you have energy to last you till the A.M and everything just flows. You channel the vibe. Your waiting for that moment where everything just spins around you, images you see become snapshots in your head, a montage of the night. Everything you say and hear is funny. Were you always this cool? Who knows, we never talked. Not until now.

But do we need it?

I think I like feeling weightless.