Murree

I walked through the halls, the walls felt cold, but the rooms glowed with warmth, there was a haunting darkness; a constant chill. A secret in the air. A story that lingered as we played our parts in the routine we called life. We lived with anticipation and desperate expectation; a nervous excitement that kept us going. A capsule tight shut; no one went in and no one went out. A dead end. Some called it family, others called it a community. I called it a black hole. A vacuum; a vacuum that sucked out any original thought or genuine feeling. Am I wrong because I am not moved by your hypocrisy. That I’m not inspired to be a phony. I retreat, and I smile to myself. I pity their naivety and inability to discover their individuality; their spirit. I want to tell them. I want everyone to know. But it’s not safe, is it? They never let you forget whose presence you are privileged to enjoy. To be blessed with. I replaced their broken record with some choices of my own. I let it play loud, loud and resilient. I had something they didn't have. I had something they wanted. I was not afraid of my doubts. They had something I wanted. They had trust.

A lonely moment turned into a quest for fate. The next person I saw would be the one I would turn too. The one I would share my thought life with.  We’d poke a hole in the bubble everyone had caught themselves in. We’d save them. We’d change the course. So much wonderment; so much hope and passion. Our minds were the only things that could run free. No one could judge us there.

The wind blew through my hair and the chill made me hold my breath. I was amazed by what I saw. A vast body of mountains; perfectly aligned in a hypnotic sequence. So much depth, so much life. As I looked over the horizon, the sky bled violet, crimson and sapphire. The last ray of light shot through the darkening sky. For a moment I felt the last bit of warmth on my skin; I shut my eyes and  I could breathe again. In that moment, nothing else existed. As I opened my eyes I watched sun go down and the landscape disappearing into the night. What is this place, I’d ask myself. What a gem we have uncovered. I delighted in the fact that I knew, if I’d raise my hands out on to each side and just let go, the mountains would catch me. The trees would take me home.

But then I’d turn around. I’d open the back door to the dining room table and walk through towards the hallway at the foot of the staircase. I’d take a moment just to listen; to see if I could hear anything.  I’d hear doors slamming and people laughing in the distance. I held my head up high as I walked up to the dorms and I’d slip into my room way after my curfew; trying to go unnoticed. As I lay  my head to rest, I’d find peace as I knew and whole heartedly believed, that I’d see the next day turn into night. And I wouldn't miss that for the world